This blog is for everyone who uses words.

The ordinary-sized words are for everyone, but the big ones are especially for children.

Monday 31 March 2014

Spot the frippet: haze.

The bare branches of the trees outside my window are bright in the spring sunshine today, but the far-away hills are milky in the early morning haze.

File:Haze in Vashlovani National Park.jpg
Vashlovani National Park. Photo by Paata Vardanashvili

If we happen to have a hot day this summer then those same hills, now cool with mist, will be swimming in a heat haze. If it's hot for a long time then we might get dust rising up and...

...oh, but come off it. This is England. It's not going to happen, is it.
The hills are much more likely to be stolidly enduring a fine haze of rain.

Doi Phu Kha National Park

You can get a haze from smoke, but it's generally distance that produces a haze (I mean, what did you do last Tuesday? If you're like me then anything even as close as that is pretty hazy). Rage can cause the same effect. That's one reason why rage is so dangerous: most disasters are caused by not being able to see where you're going.

Distance, emotion, memory...what can you see really clearly?

Sometimes there's absolutely nothing so vital as spotting the haze.

Spot the frippet: haze. This word is delightfully hazy as to derivation. As far as I can see (which isn't far) no one has a clue from where the word has come.

There is another meaning of haze, used in North America, which is to subject someone (probably a fellow student) to ridicule or abuse; and there's a similar and perhaps linked sailors' term haze which means to harass with humiliating tasks.These words may come from hawze, to frighten, from Middle French haser, to irritate or annoy.

Sunday 30 March 2014

Sunday Rest: xerarch. Word Not To Use Today.

I am not a xerarch.

Are you?

If you don't know what a xerarch is, then what's your guess? Do you think you have more in common with me than not?

(Don't forget that xerarch might mean turnip. Or bald person. Or a tricycle.)

Okay, here's a clue: no one English is a xerarch, and neither is anyone from Germany; but some Africans and Americans are.

Is this word beginning to seem dangerous to you?

Xerarch, as you will have noticed, sounds like the cruel leader of some invading alien race with designs on Earth's supplies of custard.

Classic grey-type alien.

Yep. A xerarch is probably something to keep at arm's length.

Especially if you don't know what it means.

Sunday Rest: Word Not To Use Today: xerarch. This word comes from the Greek word xēros, which means dry, and the other Greek word, arkhē, a beginning.

And what is it? A xerarch is something that has its origin in a dry place.

Saturday 29 March 2014

Saturday Rave: What A Wonderful World by George Douglas and George David Weiss.

What a Wonderful World is a children's song written by Bob Thiele (though he called himself George Douglas) and George David Weiss.

It was first recorded by Louis Armstrong. It did badly in Armstrong's native USA (fewer than a thousand copies were sold) but the song made Armstrong the oldest singer of a Number One hit in Britain, where What a Wonderful World sold the highest number of records in 1968.

The words to the song goes like this.
What A Wonderful World

I see trees of green,
red roses too.
I see them bloom,
for me and you.
And I think to myself,
what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue,
And clouds of white.
The bright blessed day,
The dark sacred night.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow,
So pretty in the sky.
Are also on the faces,
Of people going by,
I see friends shaking hands.
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying,
"I love you".

I hear babies cry,
I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more,
Than I'll ever know.
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

Yes, I think to myself,
What a wonderful world.

Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
Word To Use Today: wonderful. This word comes from`the Old English wundor and is related to words in Old Saxon, Old Norse and German. People have been wondering - and mostly wonderful - for a long time.

Friday 28 March 2014

Word To Use Today: arctophile.

The Word Den is delighted to have a Guest Post today by none other than Eddie Foster, who writes the  fascinating and funny word blog, Lexicolatry.
Eddie lives in Ireland. He's been a Private Detective. He can speak Romanian. He loves words. And teddy bears.
How cool can you get?
Do you love teddy bears?
If you do, you’re an arctophile, a rather lovely word derived from the Greek arktos (bear) and philos (loving, dear).
While it might not sound like a cuddly word for a person that’s fond of teddies, for a grown man like me it’s perfect as it conveys a certain respectability and reverence for something that, apparently, I should have grown out of by now.
Piffle, I say, and as a proud arctophile I present to you a picture of my two dearest arctophilic possessions: my copy of Who Wants an Old Teddy Bear? by Ginnie Hoffman, a book my father used to read to me at bedtime (and now a book I read to my own daughter when it’s time for her to slip away to Bedfordshire), and Montgomery, a dashingly handsome bear that my Mum gave to me, a bear that I still find impossible to pass by without giving him a great big squeeze.
Teddy bear, Arctophile, Cuddly toy, Cuddly
Word To Use Today: arctophile. This is a person that collects or is very fond of teddy bears. I’m an arctophile, and I suspect you probably are too.
Mulțumesc, Eddie (That's Romanian for thank you. I hope.). I love real bears - brown bears, grizzly bears, Paddington bear, black bears, polar bears, Rupert bear, sun bears, Pooh Bear - any bear as long as it isn't going around frightening or hurting people.
Unfortunately I've never been lucky enough to meet the right teddy bear for me. But you never know.

Thursday 27 March 2014

Trilogies: a rant.

I wrote a trilogy once. It says so on the Internet. It's called The Truth Sayer.

I did it by accident. The Truth Sayer was meant to be a series, but a sad lack of action on the behalf of the book-buying public meant it only got as far as three books before the publishers pulled the plug.

Ah well.

Does that make The Truth Sayer a trilogy?

Well, let's put it this way: if I'd known to start with that there were going to be only three books then they'd have been different.

The same sort of thing happened with Mervyn Peake's Ghormenghast trilogy, though the reason there are only three  Ghormenghasts is that the poor man got too ill to continue.

And there are even less accurately-named trilogies. The sublime Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy trilogy contains five books. The also-sublime Lord of the Rings trilogy isn't a trilogy at all, but one long story originally published in three volumes.

Wagner's Ring Cycle trilogy (which is a trilogy of operas) has four works in it, but people say the first opera doesn't count because it only lasts for slightly over three hours, unlike the others, which each lasts pretty much forever.

So, look, do you know something? I wish that people would make their flipping minds up about what a trilogy is, because it's dead annoying to read the first book in a trilogy and then after three hundred pages find the hero is left in a rat-infested cellar with poison gas hissing in through the air vent and the sound of maniacal laughter ringing in his ears.

Trilogy: that's three self-contained but connected works of art which form a complete whole.

If it's not that, call it something else.


Word To Use Today: trilogy. This word comes from the Greek trilogia, which meant three plays performed together at a festival. The logy bit means word.

Wednesday 26 March 2014

Nuts and Bolts: Wellerisms.

Sarcasm is supposed to be the lowest form of wit. But what about Wellerisms?

Wellerisms have been perpetrated from Ancient Sumerian times at least (the Ancient Sumerians were the ones who invented writing, so Wellerisms could have been about for millennia before that. But luckily we have no record of them).

So what's a Wellerism?

It's a sort of joke.

"We'll have to rehearse that," said the undertaker as the coffin fell out of the car.

Re-hearse: geddit? Yes, it's awful. But even the philisopher Plato was unable entirely to resist the opportunity to cause pain in this way:

'The water will tell you,' said the guide, when the travellers asked him how deep the river was.
Presumably the gag works better in Greek.

Wellerisms can be found all over the place: they've been recorded in Holland, the Baltic, in Slav languages, as well as the African languages Yoruba and Chumburung. 
"Ruff," said the dog, as it sat on the cactus.

There. I think I've inflicted enough pain for one day, so I'll stop, there. It's interesting, though, isn't it?

"Simply remarkable," said the teacher when asked his opinion about the new whiteboard.


Nuts and Bolts: Wellerisms. Wellerisms are named after Sam Weller, a character in Charles Dickens' Pickwick Papers (1836-7) who was always saying things like: 'Out with it, as the father said to the child when he swallowed a farden [farthing]'.

Tuesday 25 March 2014

Thing Not To Do Today: be hectic.

Are you in a rush?

Is the house cluttered, the garden weedy, the homework piled up, the job impossible, the keys down the back of the radiator, and the car making a slightly odd noise when you turn right that you're hoping is just a stick caught up in something but that you're afraid is really much worse and needs something doing about it though you're not sure what?

Yep. Thought so.

Hectic, isn't it. And if you're so agitated you've gone red in the face, then your cheeks have hectic spots on them, too.

Still, things could be worse. If you had a hectic fever then you wouldn't be well at all.

Hectic did go through a brief stage of meaning cool (the fashionable and laid-back kind of cool) but that was, ooh, about ten years ago, so it's probably not used any more.

Anyway, there's no need to be hectic. Make a list. Do the easiest thing on it. Tick things off and then be smug.

It can only help. Can't it.

Thing Not To Do Today: be hectic. This word comes from the Old French étique, from the Greek ektikos, which means habitual or consumptive, from ekhein, to be in a certain state.

Monday 24 March 2014

Spot the frippet: dragon.

Why is it that dragons with scales are practically always men, and those with skin, women?

Actually, I daren't even think about the reason for that.

Of the scaly dragons, there are several distinct species, which can be divided into those of the Western world and those of the East. Western dragons more often have wings than the eastern ones, but the eastern dragons are less likely to be bad-tempered. It's probably this that makes the eastern dragons much less likely to get killed by warriors. Unlike their western counterparts, eastern dragons are  famous for being wise and for living a long time.

The most wonderful thing about eastern dragons, as far as The Word Den is concerned, is that according to legend it was they who taught humans to speak.

The Vietnamese subspecies of dragon is particularly important because the Vietnamese people are descended from a dragon and a fairy. Vietnamese dragons brings rain, too (whereas western dragons dislike the wet, which tends to put out their fires).

But where can you spot a dragon?

The island of Komodo has a huge lizard which called a dragon, though it isn't really one:

If you're not on Komodo, then the chances are your school or workplace has a human dragon bustling about being bossy and cross.

For the mermaids amongst us, there's always the chance of an Orange Weedy Sea Dragon:

File Orange Weedy Sea Dragon   Wikimedia Commons HD Wallpaper

But for those of us on firm ground, perhaps the best scaly dragon we can hope for is in a picture:

St._George_and_the_Dragon John Ruskin [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

or perhaps, if we're lucky, a dragon on a roof:

File:Dragon Finial, The Gatehouse, Davenham - - 687004.jpg
Bob Embleton  Dragon Finial, The Gatehouse, Davenham

But still, never give up looking for a real live dragon.

You just never know.

Spot the frippet: dragon. This word comes from the Greek drakōn, dragon, huge serpent, or water-snake. The word is related to the Greek dracos, which means eye.

Sunday 23 March 2014

Sunday Rest: dogfooding. Word Not To Use Today.

Do you eat dog food?

No? But why not? If it's good stuff and good value then surely you should.

This is the principle behind the word dogfooding.

The word dogfooding is used, especially in computer firms, to describe using one's own products when doing one's work. So Microsoft, for example, won't have an Apple product in the building, except possibly as a target for old coffee cups.

So what's wrong with dogfooding as a word?

Well, it's quite, quite, revolting, for an start. I mean, dogs are famous for gobbling up ancient bones, bits of old tyre, boots, and things too disgusting even to think about. So who wants his product to be associated with dog food?

Come to think about it, I'm amazed that even dog food manufacturers want their products to be associated with dog food.

The word dogfooding continues to be used.

I can only think it's a sign of a bunch of people with absolutely no imagination at all.

Word Not To Use Today: dogfooding. A possible origin of this horrid word is the president of Kal Kan Pet Food, who was said to eat cans of his dog food at shareholders' meetings. In 1988, Microsoft manager Paul Maritz sent an email titled "Eating our own dog food" about using the company's own products throughout the company, and that may be the origin of dogfooding as a verb.

In 2009, the new boss of Microsoft, Tony Scott, argued that the dogfooding was unappealing and should be replaced by icecreaming.

He had a point, except that icecreaming doesn't really work either, does it.

Saturday 22 March 2014

Saturday Rave: To Mistress Isabel Pennell by John Skelton

The poet John Skelton was born in about 1460 when Henry VI was king of England, and died in 1529 in the reign of Henry VIII.

That means he was born in medieval times, but died a modern man.

Skelton's poems contain lots of lists, often of birds, and sometimes of flowers.

This poem is about a "goodly baby" (though I don't know how old Isabel was when the poem was written).

But I'll tell you something: I think that every baby should be welcomed into the world in the same way.

To Mistress Isabel Pennell

By Saint Mary, my lady,

Your mammy and your daddy,

Brought forth a goodly baby!

My maiden Isabel,

Reflaring rosabel,

The fragrant camomel;

The ruddy rosary,

The sovereign rosemary,

The pretty strawberry;

The columbine, the nept,

The gillyflower well set,

The proper violet:

Ennewed your colour

Is like the daisy flower

After the April shower;

Star of the morning gray,

The blossom on the spray,

The freshest flower of May;

Maidenly demure,

Of womanhood the lure;

Wherefore I make you sure

It were an heavenly health,

It were an endless wealth,

A life for God Himself,

To hear this nightingale

Among the birdes smale,

Warbling in the vale,

Dug, dug,

Jug, jug,

Good year and good luck,

With chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck!

Nept is catmint, reflaring rosabel means fragrant rosebud, and a rosary means a rose bush.

Chuck, as well as being a birdy sort of a noise, is a term of affection. It's still used in this way in Liverpool, England.

I'm not sure that this poem is great verse, but it's certainly cheerful verse.

And there's never enough of that.

Word To Consider Today: chuck. This used to mean hen, and this is how it's come to be a term of affection. If you're on the East Coast of Northern England rather than the West, hen is what they'll call you. Or perhaps even chick!


Friday 21 March 2014

Word To Use Today: icon.

You'll probably have seen some icons on your way in to The Word Den.

Yes, they're the small pictures on the screen that act as doorways to the magic cupboards on your computer. One cupboard may contain blank pages you can write on, and another may lead to the almost infinite number of cubbyholes that make up thing that I suspect  shouldn't really be called the internet but you know what I mean anyway.

But there are icons all over the place, not just on computer screens.

The first icons were pictures of invisible people. Some of these people were invisible because they were gods, and some were invisible because they were dead. Icons came in jolly handy because if a god, for instance, did happen to turn up it meant you could recognise him straight away and not make an idiot of yourself by assuming he'd come to clear out the drains.

Icons are still used in some religions for speaking to invisible people. You don't talk to the icon itself, but the idea is that the picture helps you to think in the right way so you can get in touch with the person who is pictured.

Nowadays icon has stretched its meaning so it's come to mean anything or anyone who is admired, watched and copied.

You can have an iconic film star:

File:Marilyn Monroe, The Prince and the Showgirl, 1.jpg
That's Marilyn Monroe

An iconic building: 

(that building is in London and is properly called the Swiss Re Tower, though everyone calls it the gherkin).

Or even an iconic lemon squeezer:

juicy salif

Photo by Phrontis of a piece by Philippe Starck.

So what do all icons have in common?

Well, they're all doors to something people think is wonderful: God, fashion, power, riches, and admiration.

And how very very easy it is to forget that they're not the real thing.

Word To Use today: icon. This word is Greek. Eikōn meant image, and eikenai meant to be like.

Thursday 20 March 2014

Believing in fairies: a rant.

This is from Harry Ritchie's piece in the Guardian of the 4th January 2014.

'Almost all judgments about someone's language - the laziness of a glottal stop, the slowness of rural speech, the supposed ugliness of a particular urban accent - have no linguistic justification and reflect only the prejudice of the judger.'

And then there's this:

'...dialects tend to be more sophisticated grammatically than standard [English] (as in the plural "youse" of many non-standard dialects where standard has just one confusing form).'

Leaving aside the idea that sophisticated and complex are the same thing, if you can manage to believe both those statements at once then you can believe anything.

I should imagine that Tinkerbelle is much relieved.

Word To Use Today: glottal. This is a useful word if you want to make a noise like wine being poured out of a bottle. It comes from the Greek glōttis, which means tongue.

Albert Einstein Tongue Image

Wednesday 19 March 2014

Nuts and Bolts: difficult translations

The language Tshiluba, which is spoken by the Luba people in the south eastern part of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, has a simply terrific word in its vocabulary.

It's ilunga, and it means a person who is ready to forgive any abuse for the first time, to tolerate it a second time, but never forget a third time.

English needs the word ilunga. Apart from saving ink, and wear on the tongue muscles, its adoption will soothe all those translators who between them voted ilunga the hardest word in the world to translate.
But why is it so difficult? 

Well, if I spoke Tshiluba (which sadly I don't) the word ilunga would mean more to me than the explanation above. It would carry in its meaning a great slice of the history of the Luba people.

Unfortunately I know almost nothing of the history of the Luba people: but I do know one other Tschiluba word, makelela.

What does makelela mean? 

Well, it means yesterday.  And also tomorrow.

And that can't be easy to translate, either.

Word To Use Today: ilunga. There must be a hundred stories behind this word. I wish I knew what they were.

Tuesday 18 March 2014

Thing To Do Today: peal.

What peals?

Bells, of course, and we must hope in celebration rather than alarm; thunder peals, too; but best of all it's people, pealing with laughter.

But hang on, are those bells pealing?

Technically, they're probably not. A bell ringer will object to calling the noise bells make a peal unless it fulfils some very difficult rules. A proper peal in England consists of every bell being rung once in a particular order, and then carrying on until the bells have been rung once in every possible order. If that doesn't take at least three hours, then you have to do the every-possible-order thing again and again until it does. And that's a peal.

(Why do cows have bells?
Because their horns don't work.)

If you're going to peal on the whole I'd recommend laughing: it's much quicker, and doesn't involve nearly so many blisters.

('Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a bell!'
'Take two aspirin and if that doesn't work give me a ring.')

There is one other sort of peal, which is a young sea trout. But I've no idea how you could be one of those.

(I took up bell ringing because it sounded appealing.)

No, no. That wasn't a peal, that was a GROAN! You're supposed to be...oh all right. Please yourselves.

Thing To Do Today: peal, probably with laughter. This word used to be pele, and was a variant of apele, to entreat, from the Latin pellere to push or drive.

Monday 17 March 2014

Spot the frippet: cat's paw.

The thing about a cat's paw, at least as far as my Collins dictionary is concerned, is that it doesn't involve a cat.

Despite this, finding a cat is still probably your best chance of spotting a cat's paw. In fact in this case you'll probably find four.

Try looking near the base of the cat.

File cat licking its paw jpg wikimedia commons File cat licking its paw jpg wikimedia commons

If the cat in question is a ship's cat then you may just see another cat's paw somewhere close, because this is a knot used for attaching a line to a hook.


If, on the other hand, you wanted to take the hook off the place where it's nailed up, then you might pull the nail out with a cat's paw nail-extractor. But probably not, because they do gouge up the timber quite a bit.

If the wind is light then you may see cat's paw all around your ship, because in this sense cat's paw is the pattern of ripples on the surface of the water where the wind has ruffled it so that it looks a bit like paw prints.

Not only that, but there's just a chance, if your ship's near a river, that your rations might include the cat's paw mussel.

Lastly, that stupid hulk of a ship's mate? The one the captain secretly encourages to keep the crew brutally in line so that the captain can himself remain remote, dignified, and even popular? 

The poor sap's a dupe. A cat's paw.

So, answer me this: what does that make the captain?

Spot the frippet: cat's paw. The word in the last sense comes from a Fontaine story about a monkey who uses a cat's paw to draw chestnuts out of a fire.

So the captain in the scenario above is actually a monkey.

Sunday 16 March 2014

Sunday Rest: fauteuil.

This is a fauteuil:

Yes, it's a chair. An arm chair. This particular sort of armchair was invented in France in the early 1600s.

Fauteuils quite often have a band of upholstery round the horizontal bits of the arms, as well as on the back and the seat.

The needlepeople amongst you will have already worked out that the fabric that covers a fauteuil can be fitted without having to sew any curved seams. This makes it easy to do.

So, what's wrong with this word?

Well, the spelling isn't easy, but if you use English you have to live with odd spelling. But the pronunciation...

My Collins dictionary says that the English way to say fauteuil is with the fau bit as in foe, the eu bit as in the er in fern; and the il bit like the e in pretty.

It's not easy, you know.

And, let's face it, even when you've got the hang of it no one will have a clue what you're talking about. They'll most probably think you're trying to say the French word fauteuil, which also means armchair.

In short, you can't win.

And, really, armchair will probably do.

Word Not To Use Today Unless You're Speaking French: fauteuil. This word comes from French, and before that from the Old French faudestuel, which meant folding chair.

Saturday 15 March 2014

Saturday Rave: The Three Railway Engines by Rev W Audry.

'Once upon a time there was a little engine called Edward. He lived in a shed with five other engines. They were all bigger than Edward and boasted about it. "The driver won't choose you again," they said" '

That's the very beginning of the long series of books by Rev W Audry (and later by his son Christopher) that have become most famous for a character not appearing at all in that first book, Thomas the Tank Engine.

I wasn't a fan of the books when I was young. I thought they were boys' books, and I'm afraid I thought the illustrations old-fashioned and garish.

illustration by C Reginald Dalby

Probably the main reason why I wasn't a fan, though, was that I never actually picked up one of the books. If I had, there would have been no chance at all that I wouldn't have read on to find out what was going to happen to poor Edward.

For those of a nervous disposition I must say here that the fate of the big and boastful engine Henry is one of the most truly shocking things I have ever read.

As a last recommendation, the books, as I said, were devised by Rev W Audry. That W. It stands for Wilbert. How could anyone resist them once they know that?

Word To Use Today: engine. This word comes from the Old French engin, from the Latin ingenium, nature, talent, ingenious contrivance, which is related to gignere, to produce.

Friday 14 March 2014

Word To Ponder Today: pochemuchka.

Pochemuchka is a Russian word. We don't have an English equivalent for it, but the word has been known in England since some experts at the BBC suggested that it was one of the most difficult words to translate into English.

On the whole my attitude when it comes to words is the more the merrier.

But pochemuchka...

Pochemuchka means someone who asks a lot of questions. Actually, a pochemucka probably asks too many questions.

You get people like that all over the world, of course. They're often rather small and just about half way between enchanting and infuriating.

In English we call these small questioners children; the bigger people who ask too many questions we call adults.

And, you know something?

On the whole I'm rather proud that English doesn't have a word for pochemuchka.

Word To Ponder Today: pochemuchka. The word was inspired by a well-known Russian children's book titled Što ja vídel,which means What I saw. It tells the story of a highly inquisitive little boy, Alyosha Pochemuchka. The word comes from the Russian počemú, which means why.

Thursday 13 March 2014

Total gibberish: a rant.

I've just written an academic paper.

Well, when I say written...

I'm grateful to Jemima Lewis of the Daily Telegraph newspaper for pointing me in the direction of a piece of software invented at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

The program is called SCIgen, and I do recommend it to you (follow THIS LINK and type in an author's name. It's as simple as that). 

If you do, you will soon be the author of an extremely impressive papers. One reason SCIgen-produced papers are so impressive is that they are impossible to understand. The reason they're  impossible to understand is that they are utter and complete rubbish from beginning to end.

To make my glee complete, a French scientist, Cyril Labbé, has identified more than 120 SCIgen papers which have been published by academic institutions in Germany, China and the US.

And one final delight: M Labbé had to use a computer to find the SCIgen generated papers, because hardly anyone can understand academic writing anyway.

Here's my paper. It's got graphs and everything. It's total gibberish, but even though I should really be very cross indeed about this sort of thing, I absolutely love it.

Constant-Time, Perfect Technology


Al Gibberish, Sally Prue, and Hugh Noes 


In recent years, much research has been devoted to the deployment of flip-flop gates that would allow for further study into hierarchical databases; unfortunately, few have simulated the simulation of journaling file systems. Given the current status of "fuzzy" methodologies, physicists famously desire the emulation of Internet QoS. In our research, we confirm that massive multiplayer online role-playing games and expert systems can interact to accomplish this objective.

Table of Contents

1) Introduction
2) Related Work
3) Architecture
4) Implementation
5) Evaluation

6) Conclusion

1 Introduction

Mathematicians agree that permutable technology are an interesting new topic in the field of networking, and cyberneticists concur. To put this in perspective, consider the fact that little-known end-users continuously use the transistor [13,11,11,12] to solve this quagmire. On the other hand, an unproven quandary in robotics is the emulation of multicast algorithms. Nevertheless, SMPs alone is not able to fulfill the need for the improvement of simulated annealing.

Two properties make this solution optimal: our methodology manages access points, and also Tragedy synthesizes random communication. On the other hand, this solution is always adamantly opposed. We emphasize that Tragedy prevents the construction of the lookaside buffer. The usual methods for the development of voice-over-IP do not apply in this area. Indeed, the memory bus and simulated annealing have a long history of synchronizing in this manner.

We argue not only that the well-known distributed algorithm for the investigation of flip-flop gates by John Hennessy et al. [12] runs in Θ(2n) time, but that the same is true for expert systems [22]. Unfortunately, constant-time communication might not be the panacea that futurists expected. Existing probabilistic and certifiable applications use the study of local-area networks to improve self-learning epistemologies. The basic tenet of this solution is the improvement of symmetric encryption. We view steganography as following a cycle of four phases: analysis, allowance, analysis, and investigation. Even though similar methodologies study online algorithms, we address this challenge without exploring thin clients.

We question the need for scatter/gather I/O. it should be noted that our framework is recursively enumerable. Despite the fact that conventional wisdom states that this obstacle is entirely surmounted by the study of the transistor, we believe that a different method is necessary. As a result, we explore an analysis of I/O automata (Tragedy), arguing that the little-known cooperative algorithm for the deployment of write-ahead logging by Kobayashi et al. [9] is Turing complete.

The rest of this paper is organized as follows. First, we motivate the need for gigabit switches. To overcome this problem, we construct a novel methodology for the evaluation of sensor networks (Tragedy), which we use to show that sensor networks and cache coherence are always incompatible. To accomplish this purpose, we introduce a novel application for the improvement of DHCP (Tragedy), which we use to argue that the location-identity split can be made Bayesian, trainable, and decentralized [16]. Continuing with this rationale, we verify the simulation of virtual machines. In the end, we conclude.

2 Related Work

The improvement of electronic epistemologies has been widely studied. A recent unpublished undergraduate dissertation presented a similar idea for linear-time modalities [3]. Maruyama and White developed a similar system, on the other hand we demonstrated that our heuristic is in Co-NP. These methodologies typically require that the Internet can be made replicated, cacheable, and semantic, and we validated here that this, indeed, is the case.

Our heuristic is broadly related to work in the field of e-voting technology by S. Abiteboul et al., but we view it from a new perspective: the evaluation of redundancy. Harris [1] originally articulated the need for Scheme. The original solution to this question [13] was considered practical; contrarily, such a hypothesis did not completely overcome this challenge. It remains to be seen how valuable this research is to the hardware and architecture community. Obviously, despite substantial work in this area, our method is apparently the system of choice among electrical engineers.

Unlike many prior solutions, we do not attempt to request or analyze highly-available information [18]. We believe there is room for both schools of thought within the field of cryptography. Our system is broadly related to work in the field of theory by Watanabe, but we view it from a new perspective: robust configurations [20,14,5]. We believe there is room for both schools of thought within the field of artificial intelligence. Continuing with this rationale, we had our solution in mind before Sasaki and Anderson published the recent famous work on e-business [7]. The choice of 8 bit architectures in [2] differs from ours in that we construct only practical communication in our application. Our solution to read-write information differs from that of Dennis Ritchie [18] as well.

3 Architecture

In this section, we present a framework for synthesizing IPv6. Similarly, rather than harnessing the synthesis of the memory bus, Tragedy chooses to observe stochastic theory. The design for our methodology consists of four independent components: "fuzzy" configurations, the investigation of A* search, scatter/gather I/O, and pervasive information. This may or may not actually hold in reality. We consider a framework consisting of n SMPs. We estimate that superblocks can evaluate "smart" algorithms without needing to improve von Neumann machines.


Figure 1: New constant-time theory.

Reality aside, we would like to synthesize an architecture for how our approach might behave in theory. This may or may not actually hold in reality. We executed a 7-week-long trace demonstrating that our framework is feasible. This seems to hold in most cases. We assume that the acclaimed trainable algorithm for the simulation of model checking by Zheng is Turing complete. We postulate that wireless algorithms can explore knowledge-based modalities without needing to evaluate spreadsheets. The question is, will Tragedy satisfy all of these assumptions? Yes, but with low probability.


Figure 2: Tragedy locates the refinement of Boolean logic in the manner detailed above.

Reality aside, we would like to evaluate an architecture for how our heuristic might behave in theory. On a similar note, Figure 1 plots Tragedy's stable investigation. Figure 1 plots the relationship between our algorithm and the refinement of DHTs. Figure 2 shows the diagram used by our application. Although system administrators entirely assume the exact opposite, Tragedy depends on this property for correct behavior. Next, despite the results by Williams et al., we can disconfirm that e-business and DHTs are often incompatible. This seems to hold in most cases. The question is, will Tragedy satisfy all of these assumptions? The answer is yes.

4 Implementation

Though many skeptics said it couldn't be done (most notably Richard Karp et al.), we present a fully-working version of Tragedy. Along these same lines, the centralized logging facility contains about 8449 instructions of Lisp. Tragedy requires root access in order to create the location-identity split. Along these same lines, the virtual machine monitor and the collection of shell scripts must run with the same permissions. Cyberneticists have complete control over the hacked operating system, which of course is necessary so that vacuum tubes can be made classical, modular, and game-theoretic [6]. The hand-optimized compiler and the centralized logging facility must run with the same permissions.

5 Evaluation

We now discuss our evaluation. Our overall evaluation methodology seeks to prove three hypotheses: (1) that IPv4 no longer adjusts system design; (2) that an algorithm's code complexity is not as important as USB key space when improving interrupt rate; and finally (3) that the transistor has actually shown duplicated bandwidth over time. Note that we have decided not to harness RAM space. Our logic follows a new model: performance really matters only as long as complexity takes a back seat to scalability. Our evaluation strives to make these points clear.

5.1 Hardware and Software Configuration


Figure 3: These results were obtained by White and Suzuki [8]; we reproduce them here for clarity.

Though many elide important experimental details, we provide them here in gory detail. We carried out an emulation on MIT's Planetlab overlay network to prove adaptive modalities's influence on the work of Canadian gifted hacker Venugopalan Ramasubramanian [19]. We quadrupled the effective RAM speed of our network. We added some optical drive space to our decommissioned Apple ][es. We removed 300 RISC processors from our 10-node overlay network to measure heterogeneous archetypes's impact on Edward Feigenbaum's emulation of voice-over-IP in 1935. This configuration step was time-consuming but worth it in the end. Similarly, we removed some 100MHz Intel 386s from our XBox network to discover models. Continuing with this rationale, we added some tape drive space to our 1000-node overlay network to disprove the lazily electronic nature of multimodal epistemologies. This step flies in the face of conventional wisdom, but is instrumental to our results. Lastly, we doubled the effective flash-memory throughput of our human test subjects.


Figure 4: The expected response time of Tragedy, as a function of seek time.

Tragedy runs on autonomous standard software. All software was linked using a standard toolchain with the help of Edgar Codd's libraries for randomly improving SoundBlaster 8-bit sound cards [10,21,17,15,11]. All software components were compiled using a standard toolchain built on the Japanese toolkit for opportunistically investigating UNIVACs. Third, we implemented our A* search server in Lisp, augmented with randomly distributed extensions. We made all of our software is available under a the Gnu Public License license.


Figure 5: The expected clock speed of our heuristic, compared with the other solutions.

5.2 Dogfooding Our Heuristic


Figure 6: The median popularity of replication of Tragedy, compared with the other systems.

We have taken great pains to describe out evaluation methodology setup; now, the payoff, is to discuss our results. With these considerations in mind, we ran four novel experiments: (1) we deployed 98 PDP 11s across the underwater network, and tested our flip-flop gates accordingly; (2) we measured DHCP and instant messenger performance on our homogeneous testbed; (3) we dogfooded Tragedy on our own desktop machines, paying particular attention to effective RAM speed; and (4) we compared seek time on the Mach, MacOS X and KeyKOS operating systems. We discarded the results of some earlier experiments, notably when we ran 85 trials with a simulated instant messenger workload, and compared results to our courseware emulation.

Now for the climactic analysis of experiments (3) and (4) enumerated above. The results come from only 1 trial runs, and were not reproducible. Second, Gaussian electromagnetic disturbances in our secure cluster caused unstable experimental results. Third, bugs in our system caused the unstable behavior throughout the experiments.

We next turn to the first two experiments, shown in Figure 5. Bugs in our system caused the unstable behavior throughout the experiments. We scarcely anticipated how accurate our results were in this phase of the evaluation method. Furthermore, note that Figure 4 shows the median and not effective partitioned 10th-percentile instruction rate.

Lastly, we discuss experiments (1) and (3) enumerated above. The curve in Figure 5 should look familiar; it is better known as Hij(n) = log√n. The curve in Figure 3 should look familiar; it is better known as h−1(n) = log( n loglog( n + logn ) + ( n + n ) ) [18]. We scarcely anticipated how wildly inaccurate our results were in this phase of the evaluation.

6 Conclusion

In this work we constructed Tragedy, new "fuzzy" communication. On a similar note, in fact, the main contribution of our work is that we presented a heuristic for the appropriate unification of SMPs and Boolean logic (Tragedy), which we used to disconfirm that local-area networks [4] can be made introspective, replicated, and semantic. Lastly, we showed that lambda calculus can be made peer-to-peer, "smart", and unstable.


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I'm just sorry that Figure 2 didn't come out properly. I have a feeling that it would have explained everything. Word To Use Today: gibberish. This word is supposed to imitate the sound a monkey makes; though on the evidence above this would seem to be hugely unfair to monkeys.