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Wednesday, 25 December 2019

Nuts and Bolts: Christmas cracker jokes.

For those of us in America and in other similarly exotic places, let's get one thing straight to start with: you can't eat a Christmas cracker.

 A Christmas cracker is a tube of decorated paper with a piece of card running through it coated with gunpowder (or something similar). When two people pull on the ends of the cracker it tears apart with a satisfying crack!

File:ChristmasCrackers 2.jpg
photo by Cgros841

One person will end up holding most of the cracker (they tend to tear at the crimped bits)  and that person has won the gifts inside. 

Traditionally, they are all utter rubbish.

There will be a tissue paper hat, a tiny gift (a plastic puzzle, or a pair of very blunt scissors, or a minuscule skittle set or something) and a joke.

The joke is important and must be read out to the assembled company. It should be in the form of a riddle, it should be the worst joke possible, and it's usually also  pun.

Some examples:

Why did Father Christmas score a goal at football? 

Because the ghost of Christmas passed.

What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes? 

A nervous wreck.

How many letters are there in the Christmas alphabet? 

Twenty five. Noel!

The important thing to know is that you have to groan in pain at the joke. Then you can laugh: but you have to groan, first.

Here's some more examples for practise:

Why can't a bike stand up by itself? 

It's two-tyred.

Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? 

The outside.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 

Frostbite.

In agony yet?

Well, that's all part of a traditional British Christmas.

Have fun!

Word To Use Today: pun. This word may comes from the Italian puntiglio, which means point of detail or word play.




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