I've just written an academic paper.
Well, when I say written...
I'm grateful to Jemima Lewis of the Daily Telegraph newspaper for pointing me in the direction of a piece of software invented at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.
The program is called SCIgen, and I do recommend it to you (follow THIS LINK and type in an author's name. It's as simple as that).
If you do, you will soon be the author of an extremely impressive papers. One reason SCIgen-produced papers are so impressive is that they are impossible to understand. The reason they're impossible to understand is that they are utter and complete rubbish from beginning to end.
To make my glee complete, a French scientist, Cyril Labbé, has identified more than 120 SCIgen papers which have been published by academic institutions in Germany, China and the US.
And one final delight: M Labbé had to use a computer to find the SCIgen generated papers, because hardly anyone can understand academic writing anyway.
Here's my paper. It's got graphs and everything. It's total gibberish, but even though I should really be very cross indeed about this sort of thing, I absolutely love it.
Constant-Time, Perfect Technology
by
Al Gibberish, Sally Prue, and Hugh Noes
Abstract
In recent years, much research has been devoted to the
deployment of flip-flop gates that would allow for further study into
hierarchical databases; unfortunately, few have simulated the simulation of
journaling file systems. Given the current status of "fuzzy" methodologies,
physicists famously desire the emulation of Internet QoS. In our research, we
confirm that massive multiplayer online role-playing games and expert systems
can interact to accomplish this objective.
Table of Contents
1) Introduction
2) Related Work
3)
Architecture
4) Implementation
5) Evaluation
6) Conclusion
1 Introduction
Mathematicians agree that permutable technology
are an interesting new topic in the field of networking, and cyberneticists
concur. To put this in perspective, consider the fact that little-known
end-users continuously use the transistor [
13,
11,
11,
12]
to solve this quagmire. On the other hand, an unproven quandary in robotics is
the emulation of multicast algorithms. Nevertheless, SMPs alone is not able to
fulfill the need for the improvement of simulated annealing.
Two properties make this solution optimal: our
methodology manages access points, and also Tragedy synthesizes random
communication. On the other hand, this solution is always adamantly opposed. We
emphasize that Tragedy prevents the construction of the lookaside buffer. The
usual methods for the development of voice-over-IP do not apply in this area.
Indeed, the memory bus and simulated annealing have a long history of
synchronizing in this manner.
We argue not only that the well-known distributed
algorithm for the investigation of flip-flop gates by John Hennessy et al. [
12] runs in Θ(2
n) time, but that
the same is true for expert systems [
22].
Unfortunately, constant-time communication might not be the panacea that
futurists expected. Existing probabilistic and certifiable applications use the
study of local-area networks to improve self-learning epistemologies. The basic
tenet of this solution is the improvement of symmetric encryption. We view
steganography as following a cycle of four phases: analysis, allowance,
analysis, and investigation. Even though similar methodologies study online
algorithms, we address this challenge without exploring thin clients.
We question the need for scatter/gather I/O. it
should be noted that our framework is recursively enumerable. Despite the fact
that conventional wisdom states that this obstacle is entirely surmounted by the
study of the transistor, we believe that a different method is necessary. As a
result, we explore an analysis of I/O automata (Tragedy), arguing that the
little-known cooperative algorithm for the deployment of write-ahead logging by
Kobayashi et al. [
9] is Turing complete.
The rest of this paper is organized as follows.
First, we motivate the need for gigabit switches. To overcome this problem, we
construct a novel methodology for the evaluation of sensor networks (Tragedy),
which we use to show that sensor networks and cache coherence are always
incompatible. To accomplish this purpose, we introduce a novel application for
the improvement of DHCP (Tragedy), which we use to argue that the
location-identity split can be made Bayesian, trainable, and decentralized [
16]. Continuing with this rationale, we
verify the simulation of virtual machines. In the end, we conclude.
2 Related Work
The improvement of electronic epistemologies has
been widely studied. A recent unpublished undergraduate dissertation presented a
similar idea for linear-time modalities [
3]. Maruyama and White developed a similar system, on the
other hand we demonstrated that our heuristic is in Co-NP. These methodologies
typically require that the Internet can be made replicated, cacheable, and
semantic, and we validated here that this, indeed, is the case.
Our heuristic is broadly related to work in the
field of e-voting technology by S. Abiteboul et al., but we view it from a new
perspective: the evaluation of redundancy. Harris [
1] originally articulated the need for Scheme. The original
solution to this question [
13] was
considered practical; contrarily, such a hypothesis did not completely overcome
this challenge. It remains to be seen how valuable this research is to the
hardware and architecture community. Obviously, despite substantial work in this
area, our method is apparently the system of choice among electrical engineers.
Unlike many prior solutions, we do not attempt to
request or analyze highly-available information [
18]. We believe there is room for both schools of thought
within the field of cryptography. Our system is broadly related to work in the
field of theory by Watanabe, but we view it from a new perspective: robust
configurations [
20,
14,
5]. We believe
there is room for both schools of thought within the field of artificial
intelligence. Continuing with this rationale, we had our solution in mind before
Sasaki and Anderson published the recent famous work on e-business [
7]. The choice of 8 bit architectures in
[
2] differs from ours in that we
construct only practical communication in our application. Our solution to
read-write information differs from that of Dennis Ritchie [
18] as well.
3 Architecture
In this section, we present a framework for
synthesizing IPv6. Similarly, rather than harnessing the synthesis of the memory
bus, Tragedy chooses to observe stochastic theory. The design for our
methodology consists of four independent components: "fuzzy" configurations, the
investigation of A* search, scatter/gather I/O, and pervasive information. This
may or may not actually hold in reality. We consider a framework consisting of n
SMPs. We estimate that superblocks can evaluate "smart" algorithms without
needing to improve von Neumann machines.
Figure 1: New constant-time theory.
Reality aside, we would like to synthesize an
architecture for how our approach might behave in theory. This may or may not
actually hold in reality. We executed a 7-week-long trace demonstrating that our
framework is feasible. This seems to hold in most cases. We assume that the
acclaimed trainable algorithm for the simulation of model checking by Zheng is
Turing complete. We postulate that wireless algorithms can explore
knowledge-based modalities without needing to evaluate spreadsheets. The
question is, will Tragedy satisfy all of these assumptions? Yes, but with low
probability.
Figure 2: Tragedy locates the refinement of Boolean logic
in the manner detailed above.
Reality aside, we would like to evaluate an
architecture for how our heuristic might behave in theory. On a similar note,
Figure
1 plots Tragedy's stable investigation.
Figure
1 plots the relationship between our algorithm
and the refinement of DHTs. Figure
2 shows the diagram
used by our application. Although system administrators entirely assume the
exact opposite, Tragedy depends on this property for correct behavior. Next,
despite the results by Williams et al., we can disconfirm that e-business and
DHTs are often incompatible. This seems to hold in most cases. The question is,
will Tragedy satisfy all of these assumptions? The answer is yes.
4 Implementation
Though many skeptics said it couldn't be done
(most notably Richard Karp et al.), we present a fully-working version of
Tragedy. Along these same lines, the centralized logging facility contains about
8449 instructions of Lisp. Tragedy requires root access in order to create the
location-identity split. Along these same lines, the virtual machine monitor and
the collection of shell scripts must run with the same permissions.
Cyberneticists have complete control over the hacked operating system, which of
course is necessary so that vacuum tubes can be made classical, modular, and
game-theoretic [
6]. The hand-optimized
compiler and the centralized logging facility must run with the same
permissions.
5 Evaluation
We now discuss our evaluation. Our overall
evaluation methodology seeks to prove three hypotheses: (1) that IPv4 no longer
adjusts system design; (2) that an algorithm's code complexity is not as
important as USB key space when improving interrupt rate; and finally (3) that
the transistor has actually shown duplicated bandwidth over time. Note that we
have decided not to harness RAM space. Our logic follows a new model:
performance really matters only as long as complexity takes a back seat to
scalability. Our evaluation strives to make these points clear.
5.1 Hardware and Software Configuration
Figure 3: These results were obtained by White and Suzuki
[8]; we reproduce them here for clarity.
Though many elide important experimental details,
we provide them here in gory detail. We carried out an emulation on MIT's
Planetlab overlay network to prove adaptive modalities's influence on the work
of Canadian gifted hacker Venugopalan Ramasubramanian [
19]. We quadrupled the effective RAM speed of our network.
We added some optical drive space to our decommissioned Apple ][es. We removed
300 RISC processors from our 10-node overlay network to measure heterogeneous
archetypes's impact on Edward Feigenbaum's emulation of voice-over-IP in 1935.
This configuration step was time-consuming but worth it in the end. Similarly,
we removed some 100MHz Intel 386s from our XBox network to discover models.
Continuing with this rationale, we added some tape drive space to our 1000-node
overlay network to disprove the lazily electronic nature of multimodal
epistemologies. This step flies in the face of conventional wisdom, but is
instrumental to our results. Lastly, we doubled the effective flash-memory
throughput of our human test subjects.
Figure 4: The expected response time of Tragedy, as a
function of seek time.
Tragedy runs on autonomous standard software. All
software was linked using a standard toolchain with the help of Edgar Codd's
libraries for randomly improving SoundBlaster 8-bit sound cards [
10,
21,
17,
15,
11]. All software components were compiled using a standard
toolchain built on the Japanese toolkit for opportunistically investigating
UNIVACs. Third, we implemented our A* search server in Lisp, augmented with
randomly distributed extensions. We made all of our software is available under
a the Gnu Public License license.
Figure 5: The expected clock speed of our heuristic,
compared with the other solutions.
5.2 Dogfooding Our Heuristic
Figure 6: The median popularity of replication of Tragedy,
compared with the other systems.
We have taken great pains to describe out
evaluation methodology setup; now, the payoff, is to discuss our results. With
these considerations in mind, we ran four novel experiments: (1) we deployed 98
PDP 11s across the underwater network, and tested our flip-flop gates
accordingly; (2) we measured DHCP and instant messenger performance on our
homogeneous testbed; (3) we dogfooded Tragedy on our own desktop machines,
paying particular attention to effective RAM speed; and (4) we compared seek
time on the Mach, MacOS X and KeyKOS operating systems. We discarded the results
of some earlier experiments, notably when we ran 85 trials with a simulated
instant messenger workload, and compared results to our courseware emulation.
Now for the climactic analysis of experiments (3)
and (4) enumerated above. The results come from only 1 trial runs, and were not
reproducible. Second, Gaussian electromagnetic disturbances in our secure
cluster caused unstable experimental results. Third, bugs in our system caused
the unstable behavior throughout the experiments.
We next turn to the first two experiments, shown
in Figure
5. Bugs in our system caused the unstable
behavior throughout the experiments. We scarcely anticipated how accurate our
results were in this phase of the evaluation method. Furthermore, note that
Figure
4 shows the
median and not
effective partitioned 10th-percentile instruction rate.
Lastly, we discuss experiments (1) and (3)
enumerated above. The curve in Figure
5 should look
familiar; it is better known as H
ij(n) = log√n. The curve in
Figure
3 should look familiar; it is better known as
h
−1(n) = log( n
loglog( n + logn ) + ( n + n ) ) [
18]. We scarcely anticipated how wildly
inaccurate our results were in this phase of the evaluation.
6 Conclusion
In this work we constructed Tragedy, new "fuzzy"
communication. On a similar note, in fact, the main contribution of our work is
that we presented a heuristic for the appropriate unification of SMPs and
Boolean logic (Tragedy), which we used to disconfirm that local-area networks
[
4] can be made introspective,
replicated, and semantic. Lastly, we showed that lambda calculus can be made
peer-to-peer, "smart", and unstable.
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******************
I'm just sorry that Figure 2 didn't come out properly. I have a feeling that it would have explained everything.
Word To Use Today: gibberish. This word is supposed to imitate the sound a monkey makes; though on the evidence above this would seem to be hugely unfair to monkeys.
.
![St._George_and_the_Dragon John Ruskin [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons](http://conniejjasperson.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/st-_george_and_the_dragon-john-ruskin-public-domain-via-wikimedia-commons.jpg?w=500&h=182)
