This blog is for everyone who uses words.

The ordinary-sized words are for everyone, but the big ones are especially for children.

Thursday, 28 November 2013

65% less: a rant.

My washing machine has bust. No, really bust. Even the repair man said, gently and with quiet sympathy, that it had got to the end of its natural life.

Now, choosing a new washing machine turned out to be a bit of a problem. The thing is, all washing machines are just boxes with doors in the front. How can you tell which is the one for you?

I wanted a machine that would carry on working uncomplainingly for many years; but on looking through the advertisements I found that strangely enough none of the manufacturers was admitting to their machines' breaking down at the first sight of a pair of unmatched socks.

I wanted a machine that washed the clothes without taking hours about it. The advertisements weren't much help with that, either, but eventually I did find a machine made by the people who made my nice old one. Their website claimed to wash clothes sixty five per cent faster.

And, do you know, I was going to buy it until I read some more and found out that it was actually more than twice as slow as my old machine.

You see, I hadn't realised that sixty five per cent faster meant sixty five per cent faster than a three-legged sleep-walking tortoise, or a jet-lagged snail that's tried to take the short cut across the wet cement, or an adolescent room-tidier.

In the end I spoke to a charming lady in a shop and my new  machine is not only less than one per cent slower than my old one, but it has a picture of a sheep on the front and plays the theme from Schubert's The Trout when it finishes a wash.

I think we'll be very happy together.

But it was a jolly narrow escape.

Thing To Do Every Day. Ask yourself: sixty five per cent faster than what?


  1. It was nice and peaceful here, then I hit three-legged, sleep-walking tortoise.
    By the time I got to the jet-lagged snail doing it's bit on wet cement all hell had broke loose.
    I guess my laugh isn't very lady-like, as I woke up all the critters, big and small!
    I do hope you enjoy your new washer.
    I myself would like to have the overture to William Tell on mine right when it's ending the wash!

    1. Thanks, Jingles, I'm delighted you had fun.
      William Tell would be great, especially for a spin cycle. Perhaps we should start the wash off with Bluddle-Uddle Um Dum from Snow White, and finish Whiter Shade of Pale?

    2. That sounds perfect!
      Hurry up now and make it happen! :)